i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Two words: blizzard sex
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
