I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I will be naked everywhere
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Terrible idea I love it
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
