talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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