My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
