I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
