i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize