The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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