I think my vagina is haunted
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
