You work out of a Hotel?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize