I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
