I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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