Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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