so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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