is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
