So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
