and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
