And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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