Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
