I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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