you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
