when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
