Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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