U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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