I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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