WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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