I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
