Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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