You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
