honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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