what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
