Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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