I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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