i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
