I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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