No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
