I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The Olympian is in my bed
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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