hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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