i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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