Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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