Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
