I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
