On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
