my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize