I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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