I need help removing her.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
