Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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