I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
