Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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