listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
