you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
