cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
