checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
