just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
