You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
