I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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