I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
