I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
