just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's official drugs can't kill me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
