Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
