can we get nightvision for the apartment?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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