Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He felt like a one man threesome
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We just shotgunned beers for America
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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