Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
