wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
