My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
